I Hope I Don't Get in Trouble for This

Since The Granddaughter is away and there is absolutely nothing else to do, it is the perfect time to let you into our world a little deeper. Granny and I may live rather ordinary lives, but that doesn't mean there isn't anything interesting to share.

Here are some ten interesting facts about Granny to delight and amuse you:

• She prefers her soda without ice.
• In order to locate Granny in a crowd, I look for children. She will be nearby.
• If possible, she would go barefoot every day of her life. I had to convince her to wear shoes to our wedding.
  
• Granny has never finished the last bite of a meal or the last drink of a beverage. Ever.
• If you ever need help, Granny will be there for you.
• She likes the Los Angeles Lakers, but hates Kobe.
• The minute I get myself settled in bed, Granny will inevitably ask--very sweetly--if I would please get her a piece of fruit, some dessert or something to drink.
• Granny's favorite summer snack is tomatoes and cucumbers with salt, pepper and vinegar.
• She enjoys walking along the beach looking for sand dollars.
• After more than eight years, Granny's dark brown eyes still have the power to enchant me.

There's more, of course, but this will have to do. Dinner is ready and the baseball game is coming on!

How Do I Love Thee?...

...Let me count the ways.

#47 You surprise me with beer.

The first ever week Granny and I ever spent together, she brought me a beer, and I hadn't even asked for it. That's the moment I began to wonder if she was indeed "the one." She was, of course.

If you've not ever had any Metolius beers, you must make an effort to try some. It is a Portland, OR brewing company, and this is their Dolly Varden India Pale Ale. All of their brews are top notch. So is Granny.

Thanks, dear.

On Wearing the Pants

Earlier this morning...

Granny: What do you want for Easter dinner?

Gramps: How about pork roast?

Granny: No, ham!

Silence.

Granny: I mean what sides do you want?

Gramps: Do I have a choice?

Granny: Maybe.

With a Wife Like Her, Who Needs a Mugger?

I am worn out. It has been a long week for all of us. We have had visitors and doctors and drama and a host of other time- and energy-consuming busyness. Plus, Granny has been beating me up.

Monday was our 8th Wedding Anniversary. We'll be going away next weekend, so we didn't do anything too spectacular. We went out to dinner with our kids and frickin' adorable granddaughter. That was enough excitement for these two old bodies.

Granny, however, surprised me with a special anniversary gift very early in the morning. I found myself awake at about 3:30, and Granny was stirring in her sleep. Suddenly, without a word, she rolled over, grabbed my forearms and pushed me down on the bed. This was no playful wrestling, mind you. Granny was angry.

I said something to the effect of "what the hell are you doing?" and pushed her off. I held her down for a few moments while she calmed down. When she became still, I tried to ask her what was the matter. She was dead asleep. Through the whole incident, she never woke up. Now I can check off "attacked by my wife in her sleep" to the things that I have experienced in eight years of marriage to Granny.

Granny will concur that our journey together has been rough and rocky, but it has also contained a number of blessings in disguise (including The Granddaughter), a lot of learning and growing, and, through it all, love. After eight years, I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade Granny or our marriage for all the beer in the world. (Or anything else, for that matter.)

Happy anniversary, Granny! I love you. But please stop assaulting me.