Gramps Speaks; the World Listens

Xboy and I cranked up the Eagles' "Hotel California" yesterday. Thanks to Guitar Hero, he has learned to enjoy classic rock. Hearing the song again reminded me that it is, hands down, the greatest rock song ever. After listening to more of the Eagles, you have to wonder whether they might be the most talented group of musicians since the first human being thumped a hollow log with a stick or whistled beneath the stars. I'll leave that up to debate, but not my prior assertion. "Hotel California" is at the top.

Because you look to Gramps to tell you what to think, I'll give you a short list of other bests. Feel free to debate these with me, but know that you will be wrong.

Best Sport Baseball. This is not only a sport, but also a way of life, a quasi-religion. It mimics life, and its history, heroes and statistics set it head-and-shoulders above any other sport.

Best Beer Stone Brewing Company's India Pale Ale. Pale ales are the crown jewels of beer, and this IPA has strong flavor, but is perfectly balanced. If you want to get on Gramps' good side, send me a case of Stone's IPA. Really. Do it. Today.

Best Season Spring. Spring just beat out Fall for the title.

Best Flu 1918. This powerful strain beats the swine flu to a pulp.

Best Snake California king snake.

Best Meal Made by Granny Meatloaf. Granny makes tons of good stuff, including vegetable soup, chicken and dumplings, and greens, but my favorite is her meatloaf. She's also not afraid to try new things. She has added many new favorites to our household over the years.

Best Movie Line "Inconceivable!"

Best Novel Ernest Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls. I first read this in my 30s, and have ever since cursed fate that I discovered it so late in life.

My list has many more items, but I need to deliver it in small doses because the sheer genius might blow your mind. In the meantime, pack up that beer and be sure you use lots of styrofoam. We wouldn't want to lose a precious drop now, would we?