Tuesday, April 28, 2009

WWC: "R" and "Angry"

This week's edition of the Weekly Word Challenge is brought to you by Beer, the answer to every question ever asked. Tink, our diminutive host, has given us two fine artistic concepts for our photographs: "R" and "Angry". Let the fun commence.

R ("Arrgh!")

Angry ("My mean old mommy won't let me have beer!")

Bonus Photo (That's right, ladies and gentlemen, those are teeth.)

That concludes this week's WWC fun. Please tune in for next week's episode when Gramps and Granny will provide the first ever clear photographic evidence of Bigfoot. Or just more pics of The Granddaughter.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

WWC: "Home" and "Door"

Although Tink is back from her stay at the rehab clinic, the words for this edition of the Weekly Word Challenge come from Jay over at Cynical Bastard. It has been hot as Hades here the last few days, so the photographers were as creative as belly button lint. At least The Granddaughter is still frickin' adorable, and her cheeks are still juicy.

Home ("Welcome to my home.")
Door (This is the front door of The Granddaughter's home.)

Bonus Photo (Thousand-yard stare)

I know Ansel Adams is spinning in his grave after this week's effort, but you can't win 'em all. Please stay tuned for next week, when The Granddaughter and her servants (er, grandparents) try to redeem themselves.

In other news: WHAT THE HELL?! It is only April, and sun has turned up the heat to "August with a Death Wish" over here. We looked like roadkill after we had all plopped down in front of fans on Sunday and Monday. Even pouring beer down my shorts didn't help.

In other other news: WHAT THE HELL?! We all had dentist appointments this week. We learned that our family has about $2,000 (that's about 12 Euros or $6.50 Canadian) worth of dental work ahead of us. Hooray for us! Sharp instruments in our mouths!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Living in a Cave Has Its Advantages

I am not a "people person." I generally do not like talking to people or hanging out with people or being friendly. I much prefer being a curmudgeon, and if I can do it in an isolated cave far from others, so much the better. And why not? About 95% of all the problems on this planet are caused by people. The rest of the problems are caused by cats.

Granny is definitely a people person. She loves to "communicate" and keep in touch with people. The worst part, however, is that she really loves kids. Granny really enjoys having kids around--even ones that aren't ours. I suppose that speaks to her kind heart and generosity. "Isn't that one of the reasons you married her?" you might ask.

I suppose you're right. But you have to admit that my point of view has some merit. In fact, I have compiled a list of an even dozen reasons why we should all shun people and become hermity curmudgeons. (I just made up that word--hermity.) I'm sure you could add twelve more reasons of your own.

1. People drive like idiots. (Otherwise known as "Get off your damn phone and watch the road!")

2. People let their dogs run off leash in clearly marked areas so their spoiled pets can nip at my heels and trip me up while I am running.

3. People do not clean up after their dogs.

4. People expect you to share your beer.

5. Maury Povich. This industrial-strength douche bag barely qualifies as a human being. I do not respect him or anything he does. He exploits the pain of others for his personal gain.

6. People at the beach are too lazy to carry their nasty garbage four feet to the trash can.

7. The San Francisco Giants.

8. People dreamed up the brilliant idea of unsolicited telemarketing and door-to-door sales.

9. Certain male people play on the fears and affections of young women for their own gratification, and then have the audacity to think they shouldn't have to accept the consequences.

10. People created decaffeinated coffee. Come on now, people. You might as well just shoot me in the face.

11. Dick Cheney.

12. Soy wheat gluten hot dogs. Only a human being could create such a travesty.

Since I am sure you are now inspired to make your way into a cave in the desert, I have only one word of advice: stay the hell away from my cave.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

WWC: "P" and "Favorite Movie"

Since Tink is in a drunken stupor this week, Jay is hosting the Weekly Word Challenge. His blog, Cynical Bastard, is a tribute to Julie Andrews and The Sound of Music.

P (Hooray for strained peas!)

Favorite Movie (You've Got Mail may not be our favorite, but it has special meaning to Granny and Gramps. We'll explain in a future blog post in a week or so. Or never.)

Bonus Photo

Bonus Bonus Photo

This concludes this week's episode of the Weekly Word Challenge. Please tune in next week when The Granddaughter does something so adorable that the United Nations Security Council condemns her for gross violations of the Warsaw Adorability Treaty of 1953.

Friday, April 10, 2009

On Wearing the Pants

Earlier this morning...

Granny: What do you want for Easter dinner?

Gramps: How about pork roast?

Granny: No, ham!


Granny: I mean what sides do you want?

Gramps: Do I have a choice?

Granny: Maybe.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

What Happened When Granny and Gramps Tried to Run Away

Granny and I attended a wedding on Catalina Island this past Saturday, and since our 8th wedding anniversary was late last month and Granny's birthday was Monday (happy 39, old lady!), we decided to stay over a couple of nights. We checked in at a bed & breakfast, and had more than two days with no children. Can you imagine?

Not once during our trip were we awakened to the sound of kids fighting over the bathroom or fighting over the last of the milk for their cereal or arguing with us about their chores. In fact, when we awoke that first morning, Granny and I both thought something had gone terribly wrong. The smell of coffee wafted up from downstairs. The table was set with fresh fruit and granola and yogurt. Someone came in and served us poached eggs. Later, that same person vacuumed our bedroom and cleaned our bathroom. Was this heaven? Was it hell? We couldn't be sure.

Eventually, we gave up trying to understand and settled in to enjoy the sights.

This is the classic old casino at the west end of the town of Avalon.

Another look at Avalon.

This is either an ivory-billed woodpecker or an emu.

By the last day, Granny and I realized something was missing. We wandered in and out of the little shops, relaxed with coffee in a courtyard cafe and drank a few Pacificos while gazing out at the Pacific Ocean before we figured out what was wrong. No Granddaughter. No deliciously edible cheeks. No playful smile and twinkling eyes. So we hopped on the ferry and went home.

Postscript: Can you believe it? An entire post with no pictures of The Granddaughter.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

WWC: "Opening" and "Spring"

It is once again time for the Weekly Word Challenge, brought to you by Pickled Beef, your source for all word-related products and services. Sit back and enjoy the baby goodness.

Opening (The Granddaughter is watching baseball on Opening Day.)
"I hate Jake Peavy and the stupid Padres."


Bonus Photo (Granny is feeding The Granddaughter cereal. This could have worked for "Opening," too.)
That's it for the Weekly Word Challenge. Please come back soon and see The Granddaughter, more adorable than English babies since 2008.