The Granddaugher is now several months past three. Can you believe it? She's getting smarter and smarter every day.
On the rare day everybody was back at home, we were all sitting around the dining room table playing a game. The Adorable One was in my lap.
The Daughter noisily tried to make a point about the proper rules. Gramps was not having any of it.
"To hell with the frickin' rules!" I said.
The Granddaughter was my backup. "To hell with the frickin' rules!" she repeated.
We repeated this routine several times, each one more side-splittingly humorous than the last. Finally, The Daughter could take no more.
"Dad," she said quite seriously, "If you want to keep seeing her, you can't teach her to say 'hell.'"
"All right," I replied. I whispered something in The Granddaughter's ear.
She looked up at her mother and said, "To heck with the fucking rules!"
I think we've got a keeper.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Cold, Gray Dawn of the Morning After
So last week I went to my company's annual regional meeting. I used to take pride in my youthful vigor while I mingled with the ancient ones who were my colleagues. And then...well, I think you can guess where this is going.
It all began with my semi-annual haircut. Because I am cheap, I let my hair grow out until I look more like Chewbacca than a dignified husband, father and grandfather. Then, when I can't stand it anymore, I go to the most inexpensive barber in town and ask him to cut my hair as short as possible.
I came out of the shower the next morning and noticed that the light was playing off my wet head in an unusual way. Had my barber given me highlights when I wasn't looking? Hmm. On closer inspection, the highlights were nothing more than blonde hairs--very blonde hairs. In fact, some people might describe them as gray. Where the hell had they come from? They couldn't be mine.
So I went off to my annual meeting with somebody else's gray hairs and watched in horror as the year's new employees paraded across the stage. When did we start hiring 12-year-olds? And how is it that I know more of the recent retirees than I do the new employees? Apparently, the economic meltdown hurt us more than we realized. That must be the answer. The only other possibility is entirely unacceptable.
The mystery deepened when I realized that the company culture is changing, too. A number of the crew went out to a sports bar to watch game 7 of the NBA Finals. Did they not understand that the proper thing to do is to avoid the noise and the crowds and watch the game in the hotel room with a beer? And then to turn in early?
I don't know what is happening in this world. Perhaps Global Warming is to blame. Perhaps a secret terrorist attack has caused these unfathomable changes. Who knows. All I know is that I don't like it.
It all began with my semi-annual haircut. Because I am cheap, I let my hair grow out until I look more like Chewbacca than a dignified husband, father and grandfather. Then, when I can't stand it anymore, I go to the most inexpensive barber in town and ask him to cut my hair as short as possible.
I came out of the shower the next morning and noticed that the light was playing off my wet head in an unusual way. Had my barber given me highlights when I wasn't looking? Hmm. On closer inspection, the highlights were nothing more than blonde hairs--very blonde hairs. In fact, some people might describe them as gray. Where the hell had they come from? They couldn't be mine.
So I went off to my annual meeting with somebody else's gray hairs and watched in horror as the year's new employees paraded across the stage. When did we start hiring 12-year-olds? And how is it that I know more of the recent retirees than I do the new employees? Apparently, the economic meltdown hurt us more than we realized. That must be the answer. The only other possibility is entirely unacceptable.
The mystery deepened when I realized that the company culture is changing, too. A number of the crew went out to a sports bar to watch game 7 of the NBA Finals. Did they not understand that the proper thing to do is to avoid the noise and the crowds and watch the game in the hotel room with a beer? And then to turn in early?
I don't know what is happening in this world. Perhaps Global Warming is to blame. Perhaps a secret terrorist attack has caused these unfathomable changes. Who knows. All I know is that I don't like it.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Zombies and Monkeys Don't Mix
Sometimes in life, a man does what he wants. Most of the time, a man does what his wife tells him to do.
Last spring, while I was in the throes of a major love affair with Left 4 Dead, I worked hard to convince my daughter that she should dress up my frickin' adorable granddaughter as a zombie for Halloween. I was making good progress, too. I promised my daughter that I would let her choose my costume if only I could make up her daughter as one of the rabid undead. Imagine how cute my one-year-old granddaughter would have been as a rotting, animated corpse.
I emphasize "would have been."
My wife--because this is what my wife does--was browsing online for costumes when a brilliant flash of insight struck her in the forehead and knocked her off her chair. "I've got it," she cried. "Curious George. The Granddaughter can be Curious George for Halloween."
Now I like Curious George as much as the next 40-year-old male, but my world was suddenly spinning out of control. My hard work was going down the drain. The hours spent convincing my daughter that the little one would be sooo adorable in a zombie costume were now simply wasted time. It was clear to me from my wife's tone that our granddaughter would be Curious George for Halloween.
That meant, of course, that somebody had to be the Man with the Yellow Hat. Hmm, I wonder who she had in mind?
The brim of the hat sagged, and the "boots" were big, black floppy pieces that tripped me up whenever they got the chance. Plus, after half a block, the temperature within the suit climbed to about 400 degrees. The surface of the planet Mercury would have been more comfortable. The things I do for my wife. And my granddaughter.
Fortunately, she is as adorable as a monkey as she is as a human baby, so people were too busy oohing and ahhing over her to pay much attention to the yellow monstrosity that was holding her hand. At least a few people did recognize us as George and the Man with the Yellow Hat, so our acting was passable. Nevertheless, it was not what I had expected while I nagged my daughter to death about dressing up as zombies. Come to think of it, I did feel a little undead on the inside while wearing that costume. The pictures below will show you how frickin' adorable that girl was.
The night wasn't a total loss, however, because I did get to show off The Granddaughter to the neighborhood. And I stole most of her candy. (Don't tell Granny!) Plus, thanks to some chewy green stuff, by the end of the evening, she did look something like a zombie. That's some consolation.
Last spring, while I was in the throes of a major love affair with Left 4 Dead, I worked hard to convince my daughter that she should dress up my frickin' adorable granddaughter as a zombie for Halloween. I was making good progress, too. I promised my daughter that I would let her choose my costume if only I could make up her daughter as one of the rabid undead. Imagine how cute my one-year-old granddaughter would have been as a rotting, animated corpse.
I emphasize "would have been."
My wife--because this is what my wife does--was browsing online for costumes when a brilliant flash of insight struck her in the forehead and knocked her off her chair. "I've got it," she cried. "Curious George. The Granddaughter can be Curious George for Halloween."
Now I like Curious George as much as the next 40-year-old male, but my world was suddenly spinning out of control. My hard work was going down the drain. The hours spent convincing my daughter that the little one would be sooo adorable in a zombie costume were now simply wasted time. It was clear to me from my wife's tone that our granddaughter would be Curious George for Halloween.
That meant, of course, that somebody had to be the Man with the Yellow Hat. Hmm, I wonder who she had in mind?
The brim of the hat sagged, and the "boots" were big, black floppy pieces that tripped me up whenever they got the chance. Plus, after half a block, the temperature within the suit climbed to about 400 degrees. The surface of the planet Mercury would have been more comfortable. The things I do for my wife. And my granddaughter.Fortunately, she is as adorable as a monkey as she is as a human baby, so people were too busy oohing and ahhing over her to pay much attention to the yellow monstrosity that was holding her hand. At least a few people did recognize us as George and the Man with the Yellow Hat, so our acting was passable. Nevertheless, it was not what I had expected while I nagged my daughter to death about dressing up as zombies. Come to think of it, I did feel a little undead on the inside while wearing that costume. The pictures below will show you how frickin' adorable that girl was.
The night wasn't a total loss, however, because I did get to show off The Granddaughter to the neighborhood. And I stole most of her candy. (Don't tell Granny!) Plus, thanks to some chewy green stuff, by the end of the evening, she did look something like a zombie. That's some consolation.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Has It Really Been Six Months? I Hope Somebody Stopped by to Feed the Dog
Hello, is anybody there?
It has been more than six months since our last transmission, and I suppose that all the people who used to follow this blog regularly have long since passed into the Great Beyond. Either that, or your uncaring children have dumped you into a nursing home to live out your remaining days without a drop of beer. So I guess that means I should offer a hearty welcome to the uncaring children and selfish grandchildren of our former readers!
You may have heard from your elders that Granny and I have the most frickin' adorable granddaughter around. To recap, when she first arrived in the world some 18 months ago, she looked like this:
Then, on her first birthday, around the time of the last post before this one, she looked like this:
Now, six months after her first birthday, she looks like this:
Yes, yes, I know what you're saying to yourself right now. "She's more frickin' adorable than ever. Boy, that Gramps can really teach 'em how to be cute." And she's smart, and she's curious, and she really loves her grandpa. That last one may have something to do with the fact that I'm the only one who lets her drink beer.
So what's the problem, you ask?
I'm not really sure how to begin. A heck of a lot has happened over these past months, and the whole story would fill up two whole Internets, even if I used a 4-point font. So let me start with this...neither the granddaughter nor her mother live with us anymore. I am as conflicted about their moving out as I was over the whole idea of being a grandfather in the first place. Two weeks ago, the two of them moved into an apartment about an hour and a half away from us. The Daughter now has her own space and her own freedom, but no furniture. AND SHE'S GOT MY GRANDDAUGHTER!
Of course, every parent wishes for this day, when the little ones will finally tumble out of the nest. I want her to live her own life on her own two feet, mostly so I can use her room as a shrine to the Xbox 360. But I also want her to be a whole, healthy and happy human being, and I hope that she is ready for that. There's also the thing about missing my granddaughter, which strikes me as an odd sensation for a man who generally detests people.
Right now, we have the little one for a few days, but until yesterday, I hadn't seen her in two weeks. I have to say, that was worse than going without beer. It was a wonderful feeling, though, when we finally did see her. The Daughter was carrying her along the path toward us, and when they were about twenty yards away, she put down her daughter. When The Granddaughter recognized Granny, the baby ran--she RAN--toward us, shouting for joy all the way. It put a smile on my face and made my...what's that thing?...you know, that thing in the middle of your chest...right, my "heart"...it made my heart feel all warm.
So we have her for a few days, and it is really nice to have her here. Soon, though, she'll go back to her mom, and they will continue to build that life apart from us. That's right and the way it should be, but damn! I don't always like it that way. At least I still have Granny by my side, and two other children to drive me crazy, and so I'll try to appreciate them as much as possible until they move out. (Note to Drama Queen and Xboy: PLEASE MOVE OUT!)
I'll fill you in on the other traumatic events of the past six months (including a disaster of a yellow hat and some Christmas zombies) as we go forward. So please stay tuned, and maybe we can all get through this granddaughterless time together. In the meantime, please enjoy one last picture of our 18-month-old wonder:
It has been more than six months since our last transmission, and I suppose that all the people who used to follow this blog regularly have long since passed into the Great Beyond. Either that, or your uncaring children have dumped you into a nursing home to live out your remaining days without a drop of beer. So I guess that means I should offer a hearty welcome to the uncaring children and selfish grandchildren of our former readers!
You may have heard from your elders that Granny and I have the most frickin' adorable granddaughter around. To recap, when she first arrived in the world some 18 months ago, she looked like this:
Then, on her first birthday, around the time of the last post before this one, she looked like this:
Now, six months after her first birthday, she looks like this:
Yes, yes, I know what you're saying to yourself right now. "She's more frickin' adorable than ever. Boy, that Gramps can really teach 'em how to be cute." And she's smart, and she's curious, and she really loves her grandpa. That last one may have something to do with the fact that I'm the only one who lets her drink beer.So what's the problem, you ask?
I'm not really sure how to begin. A heck of a lot has happened over these past months, and the whole story would fill up two whole Internets, even if I used a 4-point font. So let me start with this...neither the granddaughter nor her mother live with us anymore. I am as conflicted about their moving out as I was over the whole idea of being a grandfather in the first place. Two weeks ago, the two of them moved into an apartment about an hour and a half away from us. The Daughter now has her own space and her own freedom, but no furniture. AND SHE'S GOT MY GRANDDAUGHTER!
Of course, every parent wishes for this day, when the little ones will finally tumble out of the nest. I want her to live her own life on her own two feet, mostly so I can use her room as a shrine to the Xbox 360. But I also want her to be a whole, healthy and happy human being, and I hope that she is ready for that. There's also the thing about missing my granddaughter, which strikes me as an odd sensation for a man who generally detests people.
Right now, we have the little one for a few days, but until yesterday, I hadn't seen her in two weeks. I have to say, that was worse than going without beer. It was a wonderful feeling, though, when we finally did see her. The Daughter was carrying her along the path toward us, and when they were about twenty yards away, she put down her daughter. When The Granddaughter recognized Granny, the baby ran--she RAN--toward us, shouting for joy all the way. It put a smile on my face and made my...what's that thing?...you know, that thing in the middle of your chest...right, my "heart"...it made my heart feel all warm.
So we have her for a few days, and it is really nice to have her here. Soon, though, she'll go back to her mom, and they will continue to build that life apart from us. That's right and the way it should be, but damn! I don't always like it that way. At least I still have Granny by my side, and two other children to drive me crazy, and so I'll try to appreciate them as much as possible until they move out. (Note to Drama Queen and Xboy: PLEASE MOVE OUT!)
I'll fill you in on the other traumatic events of the past six months (including a disaster of a yellow hat and some Christmas zombies) as we go forward. So please stay tuned, and maybe we can all get through this granddaughterless time together. In the meantime, please enjoy one last picture of our 18-month-old wonder:
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
WWC: "F" and "Altered"
We welcome you to the First Birthday edition of the Weekly Word Challenge. It could also be known as the "Cake, cake, cake!" episode. But it isn't.
We have been away for a couple of weeks due to illness, general laziness and the necessity of planning The Granddaughter's first birthday party! That's right, this frickin' adorable little girl is now one year old. It's amazing, isn't it. It seems like only 12 short months ago that she was kicking and screaming her way into this not-yet-but-soon-to-be-zombified world of ours.
Our daughter decided to have a simple party for the little one, and Gramps certainly appreciated the rather mild celebration. It could have had a lot more children involved, and you know how the old man feels about snotty nosed brats. There is also a very interesting story to tell about the birthday cake, but we'll leave that for another time. For now, on to the all-birthday edition of the WWC.
F (The Granddaughter ate the cake from her first birthday off the floor.)
Altered (She also permanently altered Gramps' sweatshirt with lots of ground in chocolate stains.)
Bonus Photo (Somebody here looks a little like the cat that ate the canary, eh?)
Unfortunately, there was no cake left or we would share some with all of you. Maybe The Daughter will make a bigger cake for birthday number two. It has been a fun year for Granny and Gramps, and we thank you for sharing it with us. Be sure to tune in next week when we will be sure to have some great Halloween photos. Gramps is pushing hard to turn The Granddaughter into a zombie. Will he win the day? Tune in next week to find out.
We have been away for a couple of weeks due to illness, general laziness and the necessity of planning The Granddaughter's first birthday party! That's right, this frickin' adorable little girl is now one year old. It's amazing, isn't it. It seems like only 12 short months ago that she was kicking and screaming her way into this not-yet-but-soon-to-be-zombified world of ours.
Our daughter decided to have a simple party for the little one, and Gramps certainly appreciated the rather mild celebration. It could have had a lot more children involved, and you know how the old man feels about snotty nosed brats. There is also a very interesting story to tell about the birthday cake, but we'll leave that for another time. For now, on to the all-birthday edition of the WWC.
F (The Granddaughter ate the cake from her first birthday off the floor.)
Altered (She also permanently altered Gramps' sweatshirt with lots of ground in chocolate stains.)
Bonus Photo (Somebody here looks a little like the cat that ate the canary, eh?)
Unfortunately, there was no cake left or we would share some with all of you. Maybe The Daughter will make a bigger cake for birthday number two. It has been a fun year for Granny and Gramps, and we thank you for sharing it with us. Be sure to tune in next week when we will be sure to have some great Halloween photos. Gramps is pushing hard to turn The Granddaughter into a zombie. Will he win the day? Tune in next week to find out.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
WWC: "S" and "Water"
Another week has gone by, and Gramps has once again been delayed with our WWC Postings. This week, however; Gramps has multiple good reasons ... 1. The Granddaughter has been MIA for the past week (that alone would put anyone in a spiral of depression). 2. The Dodgers have clinched a NLC berth, (bringing the Philadelphia Phillies to LA for a last season rematch). 3. The XBoy had his first HS homecoming formal/dance and 4. Gramps is once again, lying in the bed - sick with the sniffles and a hacking - congested cough ...
Granny and Homemade Vegetable Soup to the Rescue!
"S" is for Sick. The Granddaughter has the Sniffles, Snot and Sneezing
"Water". Nothing like a luke-warm bath to ease the aches and pains.
"Bonus Picture" The Granddaughter is Lovin' on Her Sick Papa
From Gramps, Granny, The Granddaughter and The Rest of Our Family - Thank you for spending the 1st Year of Our Adorable Apfelpfankuchen's Life with Us ... Enjoy some cheeks on us!
Granny and Homemade Vegetable Soup to the Rescue!
"S" is for Sick. The Granddaughter has the Sniffles, Snot and Sneezing
"Water". Nothing like a luke-warm bath to ease the aches and pains.
"Bonus Picture" The Granddaughter is Lovin' on Her Sick Papa
From Gramps, Granny, The Granddaughter and The Rest of Our Family - Thank you for spending the 1st Year of Our Adorable Apfelpfankuchen's Life with Us ... Enjoy some cheeks on us!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
WWC: "Warmth" and "Depth"
We're back on schedule for this week's episode of the Weekly Word Challenge, sponsored by zombie Tink and Jay. Unfortunately, no one has tried to blackmail us this week, so we don't have anything for which to apologize. That will mean low ratings for Old Before Our Time. Again. But we thank you loyal viewers for tuning in to see more of that baby goodness known as The Granddaughter. This week's words are "warmth" and "depth."
Warmth (Granny and The Granddaugher sharing a warm, tender moment.)
Depth (Somebody got deep into the cabinet beneath the grandparents' sink.)
Bonus Photo (This one cracks me up every time I see it. The Granddaughter looks so terrified. It's sort of a Home Alone look.)
We know you have many sources on the Internet for cuteness, and we appreciate your business. Please tell your friends and family about us--even the ones without computers. We'll be sure to give you the best baby photos apfelpfankuchen cheeks can buy. Au revoir.
Warmth (Granny and The Granddaugher sharing a warm, tender moment.)
Depth (Somebody got deep into the cabinet beneath the grandparents' sink.)
Bonus Photo (This one cracks me up every time I see it. The Granddaughter looks so terrified. It's sort of a Home Alone look.)
We know you have many sources on the Internet for cuteness, and we appreciate your business. Please tell your friends and family about us--even the ones without computers. We'll be sure to give you the best baby photos apfelpfankuchen cheeks can buy. Au revoir.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
WWC: "Favorite Quote" and "L"
We may be a day late, but we're right on the money for this week's edition of the Weekly Word Challenge, brought to you by the ghost of Tink, hauntings for all occasions. Since it's my lunch hour, and I'm in a hurry, let's get on with it, shall we?
Favorite Quote ("It's time for Dodger baseball!" --Vin Scully)
L (L is for the light that bathes The Granddaughter while she helps with housework.)
Bonus Photo ("I have a headache, Granny.")
Thank you for your patience with our tardiness. We promise to do better next week, but if we're late, it's Granny's fault. Have a moderately tolerable week.
Favorite Quote ("It's time for Dodger baseball!" --Vin Scully)
L (L is for the light that bathes The Granddaughter while she helps with housework.)
Bonus Photo ("I have a headache, Granny.")
Thank you for your patience with our tardiness. We promise to do better next week, but if we're late, it's Granny's fault. Have a moderately tolerable week.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
WWC: "Go Green" and "Square"
Hello? Is anyone there?
Yes, it has been a long time, hasn't it. And we have some perfectly good excuses. We've had lots of drama with kids. Our granddaughter was MIA again for many, many days. Granny has been dealing with some pretty rotten chronic illness. Gramps had a virus. Then he got just plain lazy.
And Mafia Wars. Yes, there was that, too.
But we're back. I can see from your blogs that lots has been happening with you, too. Before we go any further, everyone please go congratulate Cate on her new frickin' adorable baby! We're very happy for you. We're also terrified for you. It's a kid, and it's yours. All yours. You and Nate will make great parents.
Our own grandchild has been standing and taking her first tentative steps. She will be eleven months old tomorrow. She is still, of course, the most delicious apfelpfankuchen in the world.
Now on to the most recent edition of the Weekly Word Challenge. You may recall that the last time we spoke, Tink had been snuffed by a zombie alligator, and she was hosting the WWC from the heavens. Jay is her avatar on this plane, though some think he is a heretic. I am still awaiting further evidence, such as his turning water into beer.
We've skipped several weeks of the WWC, but we're back on track for "Go Green" and "Square." Thank you for your patience.
Go Green (The Granddaughter just loves to recycle.)
Square ("Grandpa, can you help me put this square into the right hole?")
Bonus Picture #1 ("I don't wanna go!")
Bonus Picture #2 ("HEEEELP me, Grandpa!")
Thanks for still being here, Internet. We love you. Please stay tuned, and I can assure you that next week--on schedule--we'll have more baby goodness just for you.
Yes, it has been a long time, hasn't it. And we have some perfectly good excuses. We've had lots of drama with kids. Our granddaughter was MIA again for many, many days. Granny has been dealing with some pretty rotten chronic illness. Gramps had a virus. Then he got just plain lazy.
And Mafia Wars. Yes, there was that, too.
But we're back. I can see from your blogs that lots has been happening with you, too. Before we go any further, everyone please go congratulate Cate on her new frickin' adorable baby! We're very happy for you. We're also terrified for you. It's a kid, and it's yours. All yours. You and Nate will make great parents.
Our own grandchild has been standing and taking her first tentative steps. She will be eleven months old tomorrow. She is still, of course, the most delicious apfelpfankuchen in the world.
Now on to the most recent edition of the Weekly Word Challenge. You may recall that the last time we spoke, Tink had been snuffed by a zombie alligator, and she was hosting the WWC from the heavens. Jay is her avatar on this plane, though some think he is a heretic. I am still awaiting further evidence, such as his turning water into beer.
We've skipped several weeks of the WWC, but we're back on track for "Go Green" and "Square." Thank you for your patience.
Go Green (The Granddaughter just loves to recycle.)
Square ("Grandpa, can you help me put this square into the right hole?")
Bonus Picture #1 ("I don't wanna go!")
Bonus Picture #2 ("HEEEELP me, Grandpa!")
Thanks for still being here, Internet. We love you. Please stay tuned, and I can assure you that next week--on schedule--we'll have more baby goodness just for you.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
WWC: "D" and "Green"
Welcome back, friends! After last week's travails, I'm sure you wondered if we would ever go to print again, but here we are. Don't let anyone ever tell you miracles don't happen, because they do. As bad as it was two weeks ago, last week was so good that it made up for it and then some.
My first complaint was that I was number 218 on the wait list at the library for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Well, it just so happens that my birthday was last week. My dear, sweet wife sensed my sadness and sent the kids out for my present. I was truly surprised to unwrap that very treasure for which my soul had been longing: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, of course. That was miracle number one.
Miracle number two means that you are safer tonight than you were last night. Yesterday I killed more than 600 zombies because the newly repaired Xbox 360 had arrived! "No way!" I can hear you exclaim. All I have to say to that is "Yes way."
Add to that a wonderful birthday dinner with my family, a granddaughter who is still frickin' adorable and the fact that the ghost of Tink sent us new words for this edition of the Weekly Word Challenge, and things have been pretty peachy at the old homestead. And now, on with the show.
D (The Granddaughter visited the ducks (and geese and seagulls and pigeons and grackles) at the pond.)
Green ("It's not easy being green.")
Bonus Picture ("Cigarettes are like money in here, Grandpa.")
That's it for this week, loyal readers. We look forward to a great week of destroying zombies (that is if Granny doesn't kill the TV after another frustrating Dodger loss), eating apfelpfankuchen cheeks and enjoying the tail end of another summer. We hope you have a good week and will be back to join us for another installment of the WWC. Drive safely, and don't feed the inmates. Bye until next week.
My first complaint was that I was number 218 on the wait list at the library for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Well, it just so happens that my birthday was last week. My dear, sweet wife sensed my sadness and sent the kids out for my present. I was truly surprised to unwrap that very treasure for which my soul had been longing: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, of course. That was miracle number one.
Miracle number two means that you are safer tonight than you were last night. Yesterday I killed more than 600 zombies because the newly repaired Xbox 360 had arrived! "No way!" I can hear you exclaim. All I have to say to that is "Yes way."
Add to that a wonderful birthday dinner with my family, a granddaughter who is still frickin' adorable and the fact that the ghost of Tink sent us new words for this edition of the Weekly Word Challenge, and things have been pretty peachy at the old homestead. And now, on with the show.
D (The Granddaughter visited the ducks (and geese and seagulls and pigeons and grackles) at the pond.)
Green ("It's not easy being green.")
Bonus Picture ("Cigarettes are like money in here, Grandpa.")
That's it for this week, loyal readers. We look forward to a great week of destroying zombies (that is if Granny doesn't kill the TV after another frustrating Dodger loss), eating apfelpfankuchen cheeks and enjoying the tail end of another summer. We hope you have a good week and will be back to join us for another installment of the WWC. Drive safely, and don't feed the inmates. Bye until next week.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
WWC: "West" and "Favorite Story"
After a rough week, including a dead Xbox and a long wait list at the library, we were soothed by the dulcet sounds of our frickin' adorable grandchild who is learning to scream. Sometimes she'll do it just for the sheer joy of screaming. Or because she wants what you have (like beer) and you won't give it to her (or at least not enough to make her drunk).
We did, of course, get some photographs of our blubbery bundle of sweetness. And, since Tink is now somehow communicating to us from the Great Beyond, we're still getting words for the Weekly Word Challenge. Hooray for ouija boards! Enjoy the pictures.
West
Favorite Story (Guess How Much I Love You)
Bonus Picture ("Grandpa, I think somebody messed up your clothes.")
That's all for this week, Superfriends. I hope you have enjoyed this week's edition. Please tune in next time when we hope to have even more mug shots of Gramps from that regrettable incident in 2002 involving a can of orange soda, a brick and a police cruiser. Really, it was all one big, hilarious mistake. Barring that, we'll have more photos of The Granddaughter.
Have a great week!
We did, of course, get some photographs of our blubbery bundle of sweetness. And, since Tink is now somehow communicating to us from the Great Beyond, we're still getting words for the Weekly Word Challenge. Hooray for ouija boards! Enjoy the pictures.
West
Favorite Story (Guess How Much I Love You)
Bonus Picture ("Grandpa, I think somebody messed up your clothes.")
That's all for this week, Superfriends. I hope you have enjoyed this week's edition. Please tune in next time when we hope to have even more mug shots of Gramps from that regrettable incident in 2002 involving a can of orange soda, a brick and a police cruiser. Really, it was all one big, hilarious mistake. Barring that, we'll have more photos of The Granddaughter.
Have a great week!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Night of the Living Granddaughter
This has been a bad week.
You probably felt a disturbance in the Force when our Xbox 360 was stricken with the "red ring of death." It is a hardware issue that required us to mail our system in to the Microsoft repair center in Texas. The machine is due to arrive there tomorrow. I track the parcel hourly. Xboy and I are wearing black armbands until it returns home.
Also, just as disturbing is the fact that The Daughter received her learner's permit yesterday. She has been begging me to let her drive me in to work. Ever since I saw that piece of paper from the DMV I have been hyperventilating. I also have a strange pain in my chest and my left arm is numb. Also a massive headache. Yes, she is 18 and a mother, but this is California, and about 90% of the drivers out there have the skill level of a used Q-tip. I'm not ready for this.
In other rotten news, I placed a hold at the library for Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a mashup of Jane Austen's novel and zombies. I am number 218 on the list. Looks like I'll get to read it about the time I become a great-grandpa.
The last piece of bad news is that there are no Weekly Word Challenge words for this week due to recent events. There will be new words next Tuesday, so tune in. I forgot to post a bonus picture last week, so I'll post one today. This is one of my favorite shots of The Granddaughter. I call it "I Want Your Brain." She is going to make a great zombie someday.
You probably felt a disturbance in the Force when our Xbox 360 was stricken with the "red ring of death." It is a hardware issue that required us to mail our system in to the Microsoft repair center in Texas. The machine is due to arrive there tomorrow. I track the parcel hourly. Xboy and I are wearing black armbands until it returns home.
Also, just as disturbing is the fact that The Daughter received her learner's permit yesterday. She has been begging me to let her drive me in to work. Ever since I saw that piece of paper from the DMV I have been hyperventilating. I also have a strange pain in my chest and my left arm is numb. Also a massive headache. Yes, she is 18 and a mother, but this is California, and about 90% of the drivers out there have the skill level of a used Q-tip. I'm not ready for this.
In other rotten news, I placed a hold at the library for Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a mashup of Jane Austen's novel and zombies. I am number 218 on the list. Looks like I'll get to read it about the time I become a great-grandpa.
The last piece of bad news is that there are no Weekly Word Challenge words for this week due to recent events. There will be new words next Tuesday, so tune in. I forgot to post a bonus picture last week, so I'll post one today. This is one of my favorite shots of The Granddaughter. I call it "I Want Your Brain." She is going to make a great zombie someday.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
WWC: "H" and "Fade"
It is with mixed emotions that we present this week's episode of the Weekly Word Challenge. On the one hand, we get to show off pictures of our frickin' adorable granddaughter. On the other hand, we say farewell to our indomitable host Tink, who has ridden off into the sunset. Adios amiga. We'll see you again in that great Pickled Meat Eating Contest in the Sky.
And now, on to the words of the day...
H (The Daughter is getting help from Xboy as she changes a diaper.)
Fade (The Granddaughter is starting to fade after a long day.)
That's all for today. This little girl is growing up fast and learning to get into everything. Pretty soon we'll have photos of walking and then riding a bicycle and then getting married! It's all happening too fast. Make it stop!
At any rate, we'll see you again next week. You can look forward to either more photos of The Granddaughter or pictures of my ingrown toenail. We aren't sure yet.
And now, on to the words of the day...
H (The Daughter is getting help from Xboy as she changes a diaper.)
Fade (The Granddaughter is starting to fade after a long day.)
That's all for today. This little girl is growing up fast and learning to get into everything. Pretty soon we'll have photos of walking and then riding a bicycle and then getting married! It's all happening too fast. Make it stop!
At any rate, we'll see you again next week. You can look forward to either more photos of The Granddaughter or pictures of my ingrown toenail. We aren't sure yet.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
A Weekend at Grandma and Grandpa's
Yes, the Granddaughter (and Mommy) are home from the very long two-week vacation to Ohio! Granny picked them up from the airport late Tuesday night, was greeted with hugs and kisses from the Daughter and the Granddaughter's face lit up with joy and the feet started kicking to be rescued from the dreaded carseat. (Who can say "no" to those adorable brown eyes and chubby, edible cheeks??)
Almost immediately, the Daughter wants to spend the weekend with her Girlfriend - leave on Friday, home on Monday. (Mind you, the same girlfriend who just spent two weeks in Ohio with her ...); but being the GREAT mommy that I am - I drove her the two hours north and drove two hours home (with the Granddaughter)!
Yep, Gramps and Granny have had the Granddaughter all weekend - and we are doing what Grandparents do ... Pizza, Beer and Dodger Baseball on Friday night (she insisted!) ... again, Pizza, Beer and Dodger Baseball - with just a few bites of Frozen Peach Yogurt on Saturday night (again, HER choice!)... and today (Sunday) we are going to play in her pool, watch Dodger Baseball - drink a few bottles ...
... and spend THREE hours cleaning the crib, baby bedding and carpet in the nursery! You see, when Granny woke up this morning - she checked on the Granddaughter sitting and playing so peacefully in her crib - went to the kitchen to start her cereal/fruit and when I came back ...
The Granddaughter had removed her diaper and threw it onto the light tan carpet - BUT not before she had removed the "dirty" contents and smeared it all over her sheets, the crib bumper, stuffed animals and not to mention her hair, neck, fingers and toes ... remember people, this is a baby with rolls and rolls and more rolls!
It's time for the Daughter to come home, NOW!!
Almost immediately, the Daughter wants to spend the weekend with her Girlfriend - leave on Friday, home on Monday. (Mind you, the same girlfriend who just spent two weeks in Ohio with her ...); but being the GREAT mommy that I am - I drove her the two hours north and drove two hours home (with the Granddaughter)!
Yep, Gramps and Granny have had the Granddaughter all weekend - and we are doing what Grandparents do ... Pizza, Beer and Dodger Baseball on Friday night (she insisted!) ... again, Pizza, Beer and Dodger Baseball - with just a few bites of Frozen Peach Yogurt on Saturday night (again, HER choice!)... and today (Sunday) we are going to play in her pool, watch Dodger Baseball - drink a few bottles ...
... and spend THREE hours cleaning the crib, baby bedding and carpet in the nursery! You see, when Granny woke up this morning - she checked on the Granddaughter sitting and playing so peacefully in her crib - went to the kitchen to start her cereal/fruit and when I came back ...
The Granddaughter had removed her diaper and threw it onto the light tan carpet - BUT not before she had removed the "dirty" contents and smeared it all over her sheets, the crib bumper, stuffed animals and not to mention her hair, neck, fingers and toes ... remember people, this is a baby with rolls and rolls and more rolls!
It's time for the Daughter to come home, NOW!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
WWC: "Half" and "W"
She's home! She's home! She's home! She's home! The Granddaughter is finally home from her two weeks in Ohio, and only a day late for our Weekly Word Challenge submission. This week's words are brought to you by the slumping Tink, who almost took a picture this week. She was that close. The words are "Half" and "W."
Half (Half a baby--who is finally home!)
W (Playing in the water with her great-grandmother in Ohio. She also appears to be wearing a bulletproof vest...just in case. Or is that a suicide bomber's vest? With her great-grandmother, you never know.)
Bonus Photo (This is another shot from her trip to Ohio. She has eight teeth now. Can you believe it?)
Next week we will share more baby goodness just as long as we can tear ourselves away from nibbling on her apfelpfankuchen cheeks just long enough to find the camera. Thanks for joining us. Have a great week, and give Tink a hard time for being a slug.
Half (Half a baby--who is finally home!)
W (Playing in the water with her great-grandmother in Ohio. She also appears to be wearing a bulletproof vest...just in case. Or is that a suicide bomber's vest? With her great-grandmother, you never know.)
Bonus Photo (This is another shot from her trip to Ohio. She has eight teeth now. Can you believe it?)
Next week we will share more baby goodness just as long as we can tear ourselves away from nibbling on her apfelpfankuchen cheeks just long enough to find the camera. Thanks for joining us. Have a great week, and give Tink a hard time for being a slug.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The Vacation Chronicles
Granny, Xboy and I spent the last week staying with my parents in the home where I grew up. I enjoy being there for several reasons. The first will be obvious when you see the pictures--there are no people anywhere to be found. Also, my parents have coffee ready when we wake up, and the fridge is usually well stocked with beer. A people-free zone with ample coffee and beer is about all I need.
Except my granddaughter. She is still in Ohio with her mother, and they won't return until Tuesday. Poor, poor Gramps.
The following photos were taken in the front yard, where my brother and I spent many summer hours playing Wiffle Ball. The house is at about 6,000 feet elevation, and the tallest mountains in the pictures are about 14,000 feet. (That's a little more than 1,800 and 4,200 meters for those of you who use the dork-tric system.)
The first shot is looking to the west.
The next photo looks across the valley to the east.
Mostly, we relaxed, played cards, watched baseball on T.V. and read. (I finished a wonderful anthology called The Living Dead, for those still searching for the perfect summer book.) We did take one day to go fishing at the lake in the photo below. The action wasn't so hot, but we did have the place mostly to ourselves. Granny, as usual, burned her nose to a crisp.
Regarding the fishing, I need to tattle on Granny. I hope you all can shame her into displaying proper manners. You see, she completely violated the terms of the "you catch 'em, you clean 'em" rule. As usual, Gramps had to clean her fish for her. The things I do for this woman!
Granny and I arrived back home yesterday, but Xboy stayed up an extra week. Barring any happy accidents (like winning the lottery) I return to work on Tuesday, so I'm trying to relax and savor my last two days of freedom.
That reminds me. If you have a winning lottery ticket you'd like to send to me, just speak up in the comments section. I'd be eternally grateful.
Except my granddaughter. She is still in Ohio with her mother, and they won't return until Tuesday. Poor, poor Gramps.
The following photos were taken in the front yard, where my brother and I spent many summer hours playing Wiffle Ball. The house is at about 6,000 feet elevation, and the tallest mountains in the pictures are about 14,000 feet. (That's a little more than 1,800 and 4,200 meters for those of you who use the dork-tric system.)
The first shot is looking to the west.
The next photo looks across the valley to the east.
Mostly, we relaxed, played cards, watched baseball on T.V. and read. (I finished a wonderful anthology called The Living Dead, for those still searching for the perfect summer book.) We did take one day to go fishing at the lake in the photo below. The action wasn't so hot, but we did have the place mostly to ourselves. Granny, as usual, burned her nose to a crisp.
Regarding the fishing, I need to tattle on Granny. I hope you all can shame her into displaying proper manners. You see, she completely violated the terms of the "you catch 'em, you clean 'em" rule. As usual, Gramps had to clean her fish for her. The things I do for this woman!
Granny and I arrived back home yesterday, but Xboy stayed up an extra week. Barring any happy accidents (like winning the lottery) I return to work on Tuesday, so I'm trying to relax and savor my last two days of freedom.
That reminds me. If you have a winning lottery ticket you'd like to send to me, just speak up in the comments section. I'd be eternally grateful.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
WWC: "O" and "South"
The show must go on! Despite the fact that the frickin' adorable Granddaughter is in Ohio, we are able to bring you the Weekly Word Challenge on schedule thanks to the photographic efforts of The Daughter. Our sponsor Tink (miniature fairy by day, alligator zombie by night) has provided us with a word and a letter for your viewing pleasure: "O" and "South." Enjoy.
O (The Ohio State University, for those of you who are into that limp-wristed Big Ten stuff.)
South
Bonus Photo (At the local park in muggy central Ohio.)
That's it for this week, race fans. We still have another week to go with no granddaughter around to make us smile and give us delicious apfelpfankuchen cheeks to eat, but we're surviving. In fact, Granny, Gramps and Xboy are off visiting California family as you read this. Maybe we'll show off some cool pics from Gramps' hometown when we return. This is Gramps, for Granny, signing off and heading for a beer. Have a great week.
O (The Ohio State University, for those of you who are into that limp-wristed Big Ten stuff.)
South
Bonus Photo (At the local park in muggy central Ohio.)
That's it for this week, race fans. We still have another week to go with no granddaughter around to make us smile and give us delicious apfelpfankuchen cheeks to eat, but we're surviving. In fact, Granny, Gramps and Xboy are off visiting California family as you read this. Maybe we'll show off some cool pics from Gramps' hometown when we return. This is Gramps, for Granny, signing off and heading for a beer. Have a great week.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I Hope I Don't Get in Trouble for This
Since The Granddaughter is away and there is absolutely nothing else to do, it is the perfect time to let you into our world a little deeper. Granny and I may live rather ordinary lives, but that doesn't mean there isn't anything interesting to share.
Here are some ten interesting facts about Granny to delight and amuse you:
Here are some ten interesting facts about Granny to delight and amuse you:
- She prefers her soda without ice.
- In order to locate Granny in a crowd, I look for children. She will be nearby.
- If possible, she would go barefoot every day of her life. I had to convince her to wear shoes to our wedding.
- Granny has never finished the last bite of a meal or the last drink of a beverage. Ever.
- If you ever need help, Granny will be there for you.
- She likes the Los Angeles Lakers, but hates Kobe.
- The minute I get myself settled in bed, Granny will inevitably ask--very sweetly--if I would please get her a piece of fruit, some dessert or something to drink.
- Granny's favorite summer snack is tomatoes and cucumbers with salt, pepper and vinegar.
- She enjoys walking along the beach looking for sand dollars.
- After more than eight years, Granny's dark brown eyes still have the power to enchant me.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
WWC: "Blue" and "Happy"
Granny and Gramps welcome you to the saddest ever edition of the Weekly Word Challenge, sponsored by Pickled Beef, your supplier of Madoff-free financial products and services since 2009. Why is this the saddest ever edition of the WWC? By the time you read this post, The Granddaughter will have been abducted by her mother for a two-week trip to Ohio without Granny and Gramps. How can we be expected to survive for so long without that delicious baby goodness?
This is the most heinous crime since the Yankees stole Babe Ruth from the Red Sox in 1919. I am sure you share our pain. And with that awful announcement, on to the pictures of the week.
Blue (Bleeding Dodger Blue)
Happy (Celebrating Mom's graduation with a tasty banana.)
Bonus Photo (Climbing on the luggage that, in a few hours, would be loaded on a plane and winging its way to Ohio. *sniff*)
That, my friends, has been the Weekly Word Challenge for July 7, 2009. We laughed, we cried, we gummed a banana. Wish The Granddaughter a safe trip, and pray that nothing so horrible ever happens again. Until next week, this is Gramps, for Granny, saying, "Goodnight, and if we don't make it, go on without us."
This is the most heinous crime since the Yankees stole Babe Ruth from the Red Sox in 1919. I am sure you share our pain. And with that awful announcement, on to the pictures of the week.
Blue (Bleeding Dodger Blue)
Happy (Celebrating Mom's graduation with a tasty banana.)
Bonus Photo (Climbing on the luggage that, in a few hours, would be loaded on a plane and winging its way to Ohio. *sniff*)
That, my friends, has been the Weekly Word Challenge for July 7, 2009. We laughed, we cried, we gummed a banana. Wish The Granddaughter a safe trip, and pray that nothing so horrible ever happens again. Until next week, this is Gramps, for Granny, saying, "Goodnight, and if we don't make it, go on without us."
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
WWC: "6" and "Look Up"
Greetings, Earthlings! Welcome to the 4th of July Edition of the Weekly Word Challenge. Our fair hostess, Tink, has passed on two patriotic words/phrases for your viewing pleasure. As a special treat, we will also be including the first ever photographs of The Granddaughter. I know you've been dying to see her, so here she is!
6 (As always, she is fascinated by beer. You're never too young to learn.)
Look Up
Bonus Photo #2 (Remember the box that so fascinated her?)
Thank you for joining us for WWC this week at our little ol' blog. Please join us again next week when the theme will be either "okra" or "a frickin' adorable little girl."
6 (As always, she is fascinated by beer. You're never too young to learn.)
Look Up
Bonus Photo #1 (She is completely exhausted after her mother's graduation celebration.)
Bonus Photo #2 (Remember the box that so fascinated her?)
Thank you for joining us for WWC this week at our little ol' blog. Please join us again next week when the theme will be either "okra" or "a frickin' adorable little girl."
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